Really long I dont care if you read I just need to get it out

                                Cutting

In my last post I was saying that I couldn't handle letting anyone else know about me cutting. My parents know know about me doing it, here's the story. After I got done seeing if I could trust my cousin, I told him that I cut. I was scared of what he would say, he said he would keep whatever I asked/told a secret. He yelled at me a little then explained a lot and told me how I shouldn't do it,and that i needed to tell "no,if ands or buts" I kept begging him not to tell and that I just couldn't. I yelled at him a little, because I didn't want somebody that I trusted to tell my biggest secret. Later he said that if I didn't tell my aunt in 3 days that he was going to tell her and that she would tell my mom.  I told him that I would chicken out and that I would rather be with him when telling. So he said that we should go out for ice cream so that I/he could tell my aunt,and she could tell my mom; but my mom said I couldn't go. So hes like "ill call your mom and ask about it, I got your back." I said said no, and he asked if he could come over with my aunt;I told him no sorry. But next thing I know is they are here. I ran off down stairs,my mom finally got me. I went onto our porch thing to see my aunt,my mom, and my cousin. My cousin was smoking, he smoked like 6 cigarettes in a little over an hour(he has never smoked in his life) He looked so scared and nervous I cant even explain how he looked. The first words he said when I was out there, was "um, Kristina has something to tell you." (before I went out he explained that she shouldn't yell at me or punish me for it. I said "ya no." He said "would you like me to tell her? I will if you want." I said "you can" he said "Kristina's been cutting herself." Then for the next hour or so he was explaining why I needed help and about how  his childhood was,and that everyone has trouble. And about how proud he was of me telling him,and how much he loves and cares for me,and that he will always have my back(he did prove that). He told us(me) that I was shaking the whole time to my house,and that he was terrified that I would hate him and never trust or talk to him again. And that he understands that I will go though hating him and not hating him. I told him earlier that he wasn't my favorite cousin but that i understood why he wanted to tell. When they were about to leave, my aunt hugged me and said "I love you" And  my cousin came over and hugged me (I love his hugs sooooo much) and said how proud he was,and that he really does care for me, and I told him thank you and almost started crying in his arms;I could barely let go of him and I think he could tell. Later I told him thank you and that i wasn't mad at him,but that the smoking freaked me out a little tho. He said "lol Love ya" (hes never said I love you to me,and he said that,that is the hardest thing for him to do) I told him that I loved him. And he said that I can call or text anytime I would like. I probably will, and I'm happy that I can trust him. So now I'm going to start going to therapy and think of stuff that I can do to get rid of the wanting to cut. That's all.

I do not know who's arm this is I found it on google

Listening to:Three days grace-Life starts now

Pain is temporary scars are forever. please stop cutting/burning/ect, it gets better I promise. Just get help <3


Remember your worth something,it only takes one accident. It will get better, just get some help.
Pain is temperay scars are forever.